Debunking Romanticized Version of CMBYN
*spoilers!!
I downloaded Tik Tok for the first time in quarantine. I had learned from friends who were obsessed with the app that there were different ‘types’ or sides of the app; I was immediately intrigued. Like everyone else who decides to go down the never-ending tunnel of social media, I was addicted quite easily. My thumb swiped and swiped until it was 5 a.m and I got the unfortunate notification “Your screen time went up by 22% this week.”. I began to observe that my page was full of “aesthetic” Tik Tok — filtered video montages of Northern Italy with a distorted version of Sufjan Stevens’ “Mystery of Love '' underscoring the images. The caption reads something like “bring me an Oliver and Elio love affair” or “what I’d do to fall in luv in Northern Italy.” This is a popular theme influenced by Luca Gaudagnino’s 2018 film Call Me By Your Name.
The color palette, cinematography, and the cringe of Armie Hammer solo dancing stay ingrained in my mind and every other wide-eyed teenager who adores the film. If “Futile Devices” played in your head as you read the headline, I understand. I saw the film three times after it came out. First, with a group of friends as my own Timothee Chalamet phase began. Then with another group of friends who I forced to go with me. I even went with my mom. I thought the film was “legendary” at the time and wanted my mom to experience it which I now heavily regret. . I was fascinated by the love story, obsessed with the sexual tension, and jealous that my life will probably never lead to a love story like that. Years passed — I finished high school, relationships changed, I dipped my toe into the sea of hookup culture, my opinions grew more independently — my life continued on as I matured. The film remains a conversation starter with my friends at art school and still is one of the first drunken, 3 a.m. recommendations for film fans. As I look back on the film and myself, I have a drastically new perspective on the summer love story. What was an enjoyable fantasy became an unfortunate lesson for me. My opinion is now that this blockbuster film presents not just an inappropriate power dynamic between the two men, but a dynamic that involves sexual manipulation and abuse. I feel the best way to deep dive into this dilemma is to start from the very end. Let’s look at the very last scene.
It is winter, and the color scheme shifts into a softer tone of blues and browns. We hear the old-fashioned ring tone as Elio answers the phone, only to realize its Oliver on the other end. To Elio’s dismay, Oliver announces he’s getting married in the spring to a woman he’s been on and off with for two years. A pause comes over Elio, the type of pause where he reflects not on the situation but more so on himself. Elio repeatedly whispers his own name as Oliver responds with his, symbolizing the sexual butterflies that will always remain between the two. There’s a second pause followed by Oliver ending the conversation with:
“I remember everything.”
A lost Elio makes his way to the fireplace in his baby blue dining room, and a single tear sheds down his young face as the credits roll in yellow. Those last three minutes in the film are the most memorable to me but not for the reason you might think. Not because of the iconic aesthetic, but rather the image of a young man realizing at his fireplace that he has been used. This is a young man who is coming to terms with the fact that he was persuaded into a damaging relationship with a handsome, older, and more experienced man. As Oliver gets to move on with his life in marriage, Elio must sit there and try to digest what happened to him. As a viewer, I can only think of the repercussions that come after that scene for Elio. As a young teenage boy who already has to go through the typical trials of sexual confusion and intimacy, he was suddenly confronted by a man who changed his whole sense of self. Of course, this is a fictional story, yet when an audience is so enthralled by the story, it makes us envious of it, realizing that we don’t have what we see in theaters. This affects us, especially our young generation because we now think that that is what we must strive for to achieve happiness. What we have is not enough, therefore we must strive for more beauty, more colors, more travel, more love because that is what is thrown to us in the media, arts and entertainment. It creates this domino effect that is quite hard to avoid.
Every little look and touch led to something more serious and more pressurizing for Elio. From Oliver caressing his back during the volleyball game to playfully tackling each other in bed leading to sex, it gave me the sense that Oliver knew this was going to ensue. He knew by his looks and acquired taste of humor that he can lure Elio into a summer fling of his own and then leave at his convenience. Yet still, the thing that haunts me the most is Oliver still having that sense of control over Elio. The phone call of the last scene says it all; as Oliver moves on, he still wants Elio to be reminded of the time they had together, making sure neither of them really ever let go.
Sadly, it is the romanticization of Call Me By Your Name and other coming-of-age related films that have the power to drive the viewer from the bad so they focus on the good. Don’t get me wrong! This is one person’s opinion and I hope you remember the melodic filming talent of Luca Guadagnino and the tremendous acting by the two leads. It was beautiful and raw and special — but was it ethical? It’s certainly a question to consider if you ever give it a rewatch.
Lastly, keep in mind that many of us watch these films as a form of escapism from our seemingly unsatisfying lives, ask ourselves if we will ever become what we see on the big screen. My answer to that would be to start romanticizing your own life under more healthy, and realistic, circumstances. You don’t need to have Northern Italy in the summertime or Chalamet’s curly hair to start manifesting the story you want. Don’t rely on movies to provide the romanticism and story you crave but simply start loving your own color palette, your own aesthetic and especially, your own sense of self.
