Regret Is A Sensitive Womans Melody

Illustration by Honey Simatupang

Regret is a Sensitive Woman’s Melody

The last time I spoke to her we shared words of love, 

We expressed how we had longed for one another, how it wouldn't be too long, how we would see eachother again,

The first time our screams stacked, to the point of potential heart break, we didn't talk for days. The idea of going to sleep angry and waking up sad didn't seem like the worst. At the time it seemed like something I had just done, because. 

I hold the same feelings still.

I will never argue with anyone more than myself.

The screams stack onto themselves, the echos shatter my eyes into liquid, I lose control of the breathing that is so damn constant, usually so helpful, but now the breathing has become the choking is becoming the coughing is becoming the reason why I feel like I cant fucking breathe. 

But I can. 

And I can't say the same for everyone one else.

Or anyone else, ever, ever again. 

I laid in bed with bullshit excuses and lies, while the loudest scream I knew was going out. 

Was leaving, 

was to be no more by the next day. 

The loudest scream I had ever stacked myself onto, was never going to touch my ear again. 

Not in this realm, not this time, not this time. 

I am not scared of the dark//I don't fear the light anyless

//OH HOW I LONG FOR A SCREAM//

/OH HOW THEY LONG FOR A SHOUT// THAT REACHES INTO THE SOUL/

/OPEN THE BLINDS PLEASE //LET ME EXPERIENCE THE DAY/

/OH HOW I LONG FOR A SCREAM THAT COULD ECHO FOREVER/

//A SCREAM THAT EVEN SHE COULD HEAR//